The Regulation of Motherhood.

“You need to get blogging – everyone’s at it!” my Technical Genius friend @tony_collins told me. “I’ll create some space on your website…” And there the ‘space’ loomed for weeks (you may have noticed?) Blog Coming Soon! Crikey – the pressure.

The thing is, I want this blog to be able to just occasionally overspill into other things besides food, so when I was given the heads-up on the Netmums Real Parenting Revolution, it was a bit of a ‘light bulb’ moment.

The campaign aims to galvanise parents – mums in particular – to basically accept that none of us are ‘parenting perfectly’ – and that’s basically ok. Have a read:

“The illusion of perfect parenting and the perception that other parents are doing better than we are is damaging and can wreak havoc on mothers' self-esteem and mental wellbeing.”

At last. Someone’s saying it. Woohoo! There’s even a campaign for it!

Personally I do feel the pressure to be a bit of an alpha mum – but increasingly I’m recognising that this is ‘market forces’ at play (TV shows; so-called role models; sometimes even my own friends) - all of which are loaded with expectation and drilling down into my already guilt-ridden psyche. Girls: we need to unravel our thought processes a little. So put down the jigsaw puzzle and stick the kids in front of a DVD. Let's talk.

The celebrity role model question is an interesting one. I was recently hired by a major brand to develop recipes for them. During the final interview panel, I was asked who my ‘celebrity role model mum’ was. Suspecting that I’d given all the ‘right’ answers to all the right questions so far, I was stumped to find myself drawing a blank. The truth is, I don’t have one. Because I recognise that if you’re wealthy and have hired help and a job that is basically a glorified hobby, it’s pretty easy to look that good and not feel knackered all the time and splash about with your perfectly dressed kids in the Caribbean for a glossy mag shoot. Back to the interview and I think I made up something about Davina McCall (who I suspect mind you is a pretty cool mum).

Another interview – this time for a newspaper, ahead of the launch of my book – and I was asked if I wanted to “do TV.” My head was saying “Ooh yes! I’ll be a telly chef and earn loads of dosh and people will see me as a cookery guru!” But when I actually opened my mouth I found the truth stumbling out (don’t you hate it when that happens?) “Well I would – but only if I wasn’t re-styled as some kind of yummy mummy. I’d only agree to it if I could be allowed to be seen as real – who I am.” Get me – I’m just Jenny From The Block (but without the killer thighs and back catalogue of husbands).

These days I’m finding it far *less* tiring to be far *more* honest about who I am - as a woman*, never mind a mother. And we all know how tiring being a mum is anyway (heard the one about the mum who revealed her biggest bedroom fantasy was a lie-in..?)

Am I a parenting ‘type’? I’m not sure. I float between ‘working [from home] mum’, ‘arty (loves decent music) mum’ and ‘occasional coffee morning [have a moan] mum’. I guess I’m still finding my groove. The only things I categorically do know are that I love my kids more than I thought imaginable – and the thing I love to do with them most is cook. Everything else I sort of make up as I go along.

So here are some of my real mum home-truths:

1. I sometimes use the TV as a babysitter. Especially when I have work to do. Or mummy and daddy are “having a rest” (ahem).
2. I no longer bath the kids every night (the old ‘bedtime routine’ that many of us adopted when our kids were babies). Every other night is good enough for us these days.
3. I no longer read them a story every night either (for some reason I feel particularly bad about revealing this one).
4. I hate the park. I know the kids love it – but I get terrifically bored up there. Thankfully my husband is a ‘park dad’.
5. I have smacked each of my kids once. Just once and not hard and it was through sheer frustration – no excuses I know and yes I felt dreadful and have not done it since.
6. Matt and I have argued in front of the kids. I know – that’s pretty rubbish too right? Though not one of those “you bastard – go and move in with your mother” type of rows. But still…
7. I am sometimes online when I could be doing stuff with my kids.
8. Even though I am utterly passionate about getting kids in the kitchen, there is the odd evening when it’s all I can manage to unscrew the lid of a jar of pesto.
9. I have previously taken on work because it has enabled me to pay for childcare. To be fair it was when I had 3 kids under the age of 3.
10. Occasionally Matt and I have a Cocktail Hour which in theory starts after the kids are in bed, but more usually kicks off at about 4pm when Mr F asks the inevitable “is it too early to crack open the white?” Note: I have not yet said ‘no’ to this question.

So if I’ve told you mine, will you tell me yours?

http://www.netmums.com/campaigns/The_Real_Parenting_Revolution.5719/

* Anyone else a fan of Caitlin Moran’s book?